Some people might accuse me of picking on low hanging fruit for this episode, but I’ve got to say that with all the time I’ve been putting in on my new novel, the low hanging fruit is looking mighty good. Here goes it-

Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird, it’s a plane-No, it’s comet Kotek flying back to Salem to sign another tax bill.

In recent times, we Oregonians have experienced a multitude of tax increases. Income tax, gas tax, and the payroll transit tax have all shot up. In addition, there have been increases in fees: Park parking fee, ID cards, DMV testing, vehicle tags, hunting and fishing licenses, tent, cabin, and yurt prices at parks have all increased. After wondering about what the hell do they do with all that money, one might also wonder what they will tax next.

After the recent boondoggle where the legislature tried to tax and license anything that floats on the water including inner tubes and my granddaughter’s floating unicorn, the state is frantically searching for some way to pay for the state’s $70 million DEI staff and other essential miscellaneous programs. Now we all know these programs are important and need funding, especially the DEI funding which affects .002% of the population. I might add the population affected by DEI legislation grows every time money is added thus stretching the budget more and more. With all the money being thrown that way, I’m starting to think I’m in the wrong body.

It’s evident that the state needs more money and some of the proposals to balance the budget have come under fire, The boondoggle listed above is a prime example. Oh Lord, they have tried! We don’t need the roads fixed, so they got rid of a number of ODOT workers who are now looking for work here and in other states. I hear they have also installed low flow faucets in the capitol bathrooms to cut down on the water bill. Unfortunately, these measures have not made up for shortfalls in the state budget.

What is needed is a new tax, a tax on something that’s dangerous for people to do such as using tobacco products or drinking alcohol. I propose a tax on thinking. No, it wouldn’t disable people completely. All that thinking that we don’t think about that continues on without our being aware of it- the thoughts that make us breathe, keep our heart beating, etc. will be free of charge. You can breathe easy knowing that your autonomic thinking system will be tax free. Isn’t that a weight off your shoulders?

The tax will be a minimal one and there are some who don’t need to worry about it at all. The elected state officials don’t think much about anything, so they won’t have to worry about paying the tax. Some residents of both Portland and Salem will not need to worry either. Eugene will be another low tax area. There will be additional exclusions for those who are declared brain dead. However, certification will be needed. A doctor’s note will be required. A certified copy of your last ballot might qualify you. That will be decided on a case-by-case analysis. Also, those people who wear costumes and insist that they are some other species than human will receive subsidies in hopes that they will some day become part of the tax paying human race again.

The tax will be a progressive one. Most thoughts won’t be charged much at all. The cost will be only 1 cent per thought. Some thoughts, such as those about sex, will be given bulk discounts. Very dangerous thoughts such as those about decisions our government makes such as going to war, taxation, government medical mandates and support for DEI will have an additional levy put on them. Thoughts like these that are repeated often will be subject to fines in addition to the levy and in the future, when the legislature finally passes the bill, incarceration will be added. Won’t that be swell!

There might be some problems instituting this tax at the beginning but be assured that everything will be taken care of in time to save the state budget. Now I know some of you non-Oregonians are laughing up a storm. However, Oregon is just a test state and when we get this situation straightened out, this incredible idea will migrate to other states as well. Then you folks who are laughing now will be laughing out the other end.

A penny for your thoughts?