First of all, I would like to thank an unnamed reader who sent me a video for the topic I’m writing about today. Second, I wish to note that after my mention of speeding cars in town, the sheriff’s office has issued several tickets to speesters as noted by the local newspaper, The Brownsville Times.

When I was a kid, I used to look at the ads in the back of comic books. The one that caught my eye, and the eyes of many young boys, was the ad for X-ray glasses implying they would let you see through anything including someone’s clothes. They were fake, of course, and I never ordered any. However, there is a new twist to sunglasses that makes them smart as hell. The scenario below explores this twist and should be read while listening to the song, “Cheap Sunglasses,” by ZZ Top.

I was having a quiet dinner in a quiet little restaurant. She looked at me from across the room. She was beautiful, but what blew my mind was her expensive sunglasses. She kept staring at me for a minute or two then got up and walked across the room to my table. Her hair was perfect and her lips ripe for kissing.

“Hello,” she said in a sultry voice. “Aren’t you Ira White, author of We Won’t Forget You Mr. McGillicuddy?” We met at the book fair in Lebanon, Oregon last year.”

My blood pressure rose. “Yes, I was there. I don’t remember your name.”

“Chelsey, my name is Chelsey, and I love authors.” As she said this, she put her hand behind my neck and stroked it while she rubbed her body against me like a cat.

I didn’t remember ever meeting her. I certainly would have remembered a beauty like that! I should have been asking some questions about how she got so much information on me. I should have been thinking. Unfortunately, her beauty had me dazzled and my brain was in my pants with my rants having a conversation with my eyes. Next thing I know, we were in my car heading to my place.

I don’t know what she did to me that night, but I slept like a log in a bog. When I woke up the next morning, she was gone and so was my wallet and many of the other valuables in my house.

“How could this have happened?” you may ask. Did it have something to do with those expensive sunglasses? You betcha. Those weren’t just sunglasses; they were modified Smart Glasses that sent pictures of my face to a computer program written by two young men at Harvard. The program would search the internet for pics of me, gather any data around those pics or sites where those pics led and in just a few seconds, she had my name, address, phone number, and a brief history of me.

The scenario above was just a made-up story. I swear. The Doxing Glasses were not. They are real. So is the machine that allows the cops to see through walls and into your living room, the cameras everywhere including in public places and along major roads where they pick up pictures of you and your license plate, the facial recognition, the little robotic insects fixed up with cameras and microphones that can crawl under your door to collect information about you and on and on.

“Well,” you say, “I’ve done nothing wrong. I have nothing to hide.” What a line of horse patooey! This statement is right up there with the government saying they are surveilling us to keep us safe. Double horse patooey!

I suppose you don’t mind if half the planet watches you pee? What if you are pee shy, especially knowing that some of those watching are getting off on it? You might suffer a burst bladder. Sex would become a spectator sport. For some, the idea of having it would disappear thus solving any worries about overpopulation.

Since we are headed in the direction of total surveillance 24-7, I have a proposal to hurry up this societal change. Everyone must be stark raving naked, and we must all carry a sign listing our major health problems, our political leaning, and our occupation. The signs must be held and cannot cover up a part of our bodies. That way, we would know the terrorists or other evil doers from the information on their signs, and they all could be summarily arrested. We would also know if an undercover cop was near as well. We would all be safe. There would be no place to run to and no place to hide.