It was a frustrating morning. I spent most of the morning trying to get into my bank account. I entered my user name and password and got a message “access denied, wrong password.” How the hell could it be wrong? The computer saved it and computers are never wrong, right?

So I went through the process of changing my password which included me entering the user name, new password, then my secret pin. After all that hogwash, I found myself on a two step authentication page which asked me to choose email or phone. I chose the phone because my recovery email had just informed me that the address to my email account was changed and I hadn’t gotten around to adding the changed address as a recovery to every site I visit.

Well, my phone was not turned on and when I did try to turn it on it wouldn’t turn on because the battery was dead. The number they sent to my dead phone would only last five minutes so by the time I got enough charge to turn it on, I had to request another number. Damn! This stuff that’s protecting me will drive me crazy yet.

Just when I was about to melt down, my friend Sally pulled up in a brand new Cadillac CT5. Now Sally isn’t oligarch rich or she probably wouldn’t even talk to me, but she is very well off and likes getting the newest thing and showing it off.

Sally got out of her car wearing a bright red and very pretty dress. I met her at the door.

“Hey,” she said, “wanna go for a ride?”

I felt rescued. We took off and she drove us to a scenic route out in the countryside.

“Nice car,” I told her.

“Yes, it has all the newest features, even some that aren’t on the market yet. I got it for less than the market models because I’m in a program to try out some new features they want to include in market models soon.”

“Well, tell me about it.”

“It’s got everything you would expect from a high class model. In addition to that, it has hands free operation, LiDAR-mapped roads for keeping in the correct lane, a steering wheel light bar that gives you messages on the status of your car and an infra-red camera that points directly at the driver.”

“Sally, all that’s in the 2025 and 2026 models.”

“Yes, dear friend, but the camera is different. I don’t need to carry a key. The car starts using facial recognition. No one else can drive my car unless I program them into the system.”

Sally seemed really hot about this feature. She is known for going places and losing her keys. With a car like this one, she wouldn’t need to worry.

“What about locking the doors? How do you get in without a key or a key fob?”

“Fingerprint, silly.”

I had to admit the car was a fine ride. Smooth as silk! If you didn’t look out the window, you wouldn’t know you were moving. “What else does it have that is different?”

“Oh, yes, the infra-red camera can detect if you are driving impaired and won’t let the car go if you are.”

“But Sally, you don’t use drugs and you never drink and no one who tries to use the car can drive it so why would you even want this feature?”

By this time we were well out of town gliding down the road with green fields, some with animals grazing, on either side. The sun was shining and it was a beautiful day to be away from my screen and the upset I experienced earlier.

There was a grove of trees up ahead and the road took a sharp bend around the trees. As the car rolled around the bend, we spotted an animal in the road.

“Look!” said Sally, “Somebody’s cow got out.”

“That’s not a cow,” I corrected her, “That’s a bull.”

Sally stopped the car, grabbed her phone and got out. “I gotta get a pic of this for my Facebook page.”

“Sally! No! The bull is dangerous.”

Sally didn’t listen. She exited the car. The door closed. She raised up the phone to take a picture of the bull. The bull noticed her. A slight breeze came up. Sally’s red dress waved in the breeze. Just as Sally snapped her picture, the bull pawed the ground and charged toward Sally.

“Oh my God!” Sally screamed and tried to open the door. The door had closed and automatically locked for her safety and the safety of anything she had in the car. She kept trying her fingerprint to open it but couldn’t get it in the correct spot to be recognized. Luckily, there was a button on the armrest of the passenger side that allowed one to either lock or unlock all the doors.

When Sally got inside the car, her eyes were open wide and she was clearly afraid. “Let’s get out of here!” She shouted.

But the car wouldn’t start. A message appeared on the steering wheel read-out, “Driver impaired.”

Meanwhile, the bull charged the car and smashed into the front causing damage to the headlight and the fender on the driver’s side.

After receiving a pounding headache from battering the car, the bull snorted and trotted off. An hour later, when she had settled down, the car started and we were able to drive back to the relative safety of the city.

Is there a moral here? I’ll let you decide. I just hope Sally’s insurance covers bull bashing.