The first time my future was predicted was by my mother. She told me, “If you don’t clean up that mess like I told you, I can tell you what will happen next.”

Well, I knew what she was getting at and didn’t want that future for myself.

The next time my future was predicted, it was Mom again. She held my fingers and told me I had nice long ones and was going to learn to play the piano someday. Well, I learned to play the tuba instead.

The third time was at a fair when I was a young, lusty teenager. I walked into the Soothsayer’s tent to see what she had to say hoping she might have some good visions of my future with women. She looked into her crystal ball and told me that I would soon meet a blonde haired woman and together we would have three children; all of them would be boys. Still waiting for that to come true. Meanwhile, not one single blonde in my life has consented to going out with me and I have three children all right, but they are all girls.

My history has given me a considerable bit of skepticism about all those fortune tellers, soothsayers, and gypsy women. However, lately I sensed a change. I’ve been feeling as if someone is watching over my shoulder.

A few days ago I was watching stuff on my computer when all of a sudden ads, articles, and videos started popping up advertising various veterinary services. How could they have known I have a dog? Ohm yeah, I posted pictures on the internet.

Suddenly the veterinary service ads were competing with ads for paper towels and wipes to clean up messes. I turned around at a horrible sound from my dog to see him throwing up all over. Hurriedly, I cleaned up the mess and took him to the vet. How could anyone have known?

They say your phone, tv, and other electronic devices are watching you and collecting data. All those water and electricity sucking data centers keep all that information. The information is used to track you and when there is enough information, your next move is then predicted. The hope is that they will stop crime before it happens. This is to protect us. However, something tells me that they will be more interested in predicting what I will do next that could hurt or add to their profits than in using their predictive power to keep me from hurting myself or keeping a criminal from hurting me.

However, despite my ranting, the predictive process is getting more precise every day. It has been so right on that I decided to use a quick view of my screen and the ads on it to see how my day was going to unfold.

The first morning I tried this, I opened up the computer to find ads for restaurants. I didn’t know what to think because I had no plans to go out to eat. There was plenty of food in the fridge and I was short on cash anyway. I tossed this one aside as an anomaly. Later in the day, one of my best friends happened to drop by. She invited me to try out a new Mexican restaurant, the very one that had dominated the restaurant ads. What is more, she said she was treating me. I was flabbergasted.

The very next morning I rushed to boot my computer. The on-target prediction from the day before was on my mind. It made me wonder what was in store for me for the day.

The ads featured car insurance roadside assistance policies. There was one from several of the major insurance companies and several local tow truck operators. Well, I thought, this one is way off. I didn’t intend on going out at all that day so I closed up my computer and went outside to mow the yard.

Later that day, my granddaughter called me on the phone. She had been coming to visit me when her car ran out of gas. I chided her for not keeping an eye on the gas gauge, got in my car with a gas can and went to her rescue. I was just approaching the spot where her car ran out of gas, in fact I could see her standing near the car, when my car suddenly died. It wasn’t out of gas. Something else went wrong. It was at this time that I lamented not buying a roadside assistance rider on my policy that morning. How did they know?

Over a period of several days, I saw the predictions of the internet come true over and over. Then this morning I settled myself in front of the screen to see what the day might be like and saw several commercials for adult diapers. Holy cow! I’m not incontinent. I don’t need a diaper. I switched to my email and found car insurance was the main topic. The ads had also changed to car insurance with an emphasis on collision. Then those ads changed to ads for health insurance.

I was dumbfounded. It seemed to me that I needed to go back to bed. If you don’t see my column next week, you will know that this awful prediction will have come true: I will have an auto accident that will cause me to fill my pants and need the care of a doctor as a result of my injuries.