I have noticed a falling off in my readership lately. I’m not sure if it is because of the season or perhaps some of my rants have hurt the sensibilities of some of my readers. In an effort to bring in more readers, I came upon the scheme of interviewing a prominent figure.
I invited President Trump, but he was too busy taking over Greenland, scheming on having a war with Venezuela and Iran and speaking at Davos. The organizers of Davos, I hear, were quite glad to have him. During his speech, they were able to turn off the heat in the auditorium thus saving a large amount of cash and helping lower their carbon footprint which they did not hesitate to crow about.
I also invited Vice President J. D. Vance, but he was too busy preparing to be the next president, one way or another. Gavin Newsome was also on the list, but he was too busy preparing to be the next president as well and at the same time working hard to make California great again. The recent collapse of the delivery system leading to food shortages in California needed close attention, so he decided to address it from Davos, Switzerland. It was the same with every luminary I asked. They all were too busy, up to their necks in their efforts to bring in a New World Order. It then came to me to ask Satan for an interview. He accepted immediately.
It was a mere three seconds after my ask that I saw a figure walking toward my door as fast as he could while still trying to keep the stateliness and dignity of one in such a high place. I opened the door to find a tall, slim, well-dressed figure. He wore a gleaming white suit with a sparkling red tie. His shoes were shiny black, much like those I had seen members of the Mafia or the FBI wear, though I could not imagine any connection. On his head was a white top hat with a black silk band. He also sported a cane tipped with gold and a gold Fritz handle in the shape of a snake.
Despite his magnificent attire, his manner was one of sadness mixed with desperation. The way the world has been going lately, I wondered why he would be feeling these emotions.
He sat down and I offered him some coffee which he accepted. He took a silver flask out of his coat pocket and poured what appeared to be a healthy measure of spirits into his coffee. “Brandy?” he asked me.
I declined, saying my doctor said I should stop consuming the spirits as it would kill me eventually. He shot me a dejected look and carefully replaced the flask in his pocket.
“How is it going?” I asked tenuously hoping to find out what was bothering him.
“Not so well,” he sighed.
“How can that be?” I asked. “Your work is visible all over the world. Even prominent people are publicly stating they worship you.”
It could have been a sudden change in the lighting or even my imagination, but I thought I saw a glimmer of a tear in the corner of his eye.
“Yes, there are a few prominent people worshiping publicly, but those pretenders, Moloch and Baal, have lured many of them away from my altar. The world seems to be embroiled in my work, but it’s not mine. I sit on the sidelines unemployed while others snatch my job from me.”
“I don’t understand,” I said genuinely confused.
“It starts here in the U.S. There’s Trump, Newsome, Nuland, Cotton, Cruz, McCain, and I could go on and on. Then in the private sector there’s Gates, Rothschild, Dupont, Rockefeller, Zuckerberg, Fink, Bush, and Clinton. I would ask Hillary to marry me just so I could claim to be a party to some of her deeds, but she’s got Bill. Then there is the FBI, CIA, ICE and Homeland Security. I could go on but I don’t want to waste your time. All of these people have sucked up the work I was supposed to do and now they’ve got AI to help them.”
Then Satan flashed a slight smile.
“At least Mitch McConnell has retired and Pelosi will be out soon as well.”
“Well, what about Europe? There must be some work for you there.”
“OH please!” Satan exclaimed. “They have Starmer and Macron who are doing a bang-up job. And Frederikson, Merz, and Harari are all doing good jobs. Then there’s all the organizations, The World Economic Forum, Switzerland’s World Central Bank, The Bilderberg Group, NATO- Europe has no need of me.”
“The Middle East?”
“Oh my ___! Haven’t you been following? Israel has that covered. Bibi seems to be trying to take my position.”
“What about China and the Orient?” I asked feebly.
“They have pretty much gone off on their own. They want to dominate the world, you know. They told me I wasn’t needed as they have it all under control.”
“Russia?”
“It’s too damn cold to work there. Have you seen the reports on the temperatures and the snow fall?”
“South America”
“Well, Salgado, Maduro, the CIA and the IDF have that almost buttoned up.”
“There must be something you can do in Africa-“
He looked at me as if I should already know. “The mineral and oil extraction companies have wrapped up the whole continent. There is little work left over for me.”
Satan stared at his empty cup of coffee, took out the flask from his pocket and poured a generous amount in it and downed the entire cup.
Despite my knowledge of his past, I started to feel sorry for him.
“I’m almost unemployed and there is a multitude of souls competing for my job,” he sobbed. “I need a new planet!”
With no dismissal on my part, Satan rose like a severely arthritic old man and let himself out. I peeked through the window and watched him shuffling down the sidewalk, head bent down and hands shoved deep in his pants pockets. Tears fell from his face making little fires on the sidewalk. I caught sight of his cane leaning against the wall, picked it up, opened the door, and held it out in front of me and yelled, “You forgot your cane.”
Satan didn’t answer, didn’t turn around, but right in front of my eyes, he suddenly disappeared along with the cane in my hand.